A Letter to Smoke Alarm Manufacturers

Dear Smoke Alarm Manufacturer,

I would like to pass along a suggestion.  This suggestion could even set you apart from your competitor and help increase your sales if you implement it first.  My suggestion is: would you please design a smoke alarm that when the battery level gets low it only chirps between the hours of 8:00 AM and 9:00 PM.  For the past 30 years my smoke alarms only begin to do the low battery chirp usually between 1:00 and 4:00 AM.   Last night at 2:08 AM one of my First Alert smoke detectors began to chirp.  It woke me out of my sound sleep.  I was hoping it would not chirp again but then every five minutes…chirp…chirp.  I have five smoke alarms and one carbon monoxide alarm of which I try to change the batteries every year.  I even write the date that I install the new battery on masking tape and stick it on the back side of the detector.  Even with these efforts the low battery chirp seems to find me in my peaceful slumber usually about twice a year and usually on the coldest nights during the winter.  I really don’t enjoy leaving my warm comfy bed at 2:00 AM to stand in the middle of a cold room waiting for the next chirp to determine which smoke alarm I need to address.  Last night I picked the right alarm the first time and removed the battery but then I had a very hard time falling back to sleep.  Once I removed batteries from three different smoke alarms before I picked the right detector.

I do understand that this does not appear to be a problem for everyone.  For example my wife slept through this whole ordeal quite well, right next to me.  She never heard the chirping, never heard me get up, and never heard me drag the chair over so I could stand on it to reach the alarm.  But she is a member of the “sleep elite” who can sleep undisturbed by such noises as car alarms, passing trains, and police sirens.  

If you were to implement this new design suggestion I would gladly pay one to maybe two dollars more per smoke alarm for this feature.  Think about that.  I believe you might be able to increase your bottom line by millions of dollars with this new design feature.  Let’s do the math.  I have six detectors in my home but let’s say each home has minimum of just three detectors.  According to the U.S. Census Bureau http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html there was 131,704,730 housing units in the United States in 2010. So 131,704,730 X 3 = 395,114,190 alarm units.  Now I understand that a number of homes are “hard wired” to the electrical system which do not require batteries.  So let’s just use some round numbers.  We’ll take a potential of 400 million smoke alarms and divide it in half to allow for hard wired systems and people who can sleep through air raids.  That leaves 200 million units in the U.S.   If you can charge one dollar more for this feature, which I think you can, then you have 200 million dollars to put in your bank account.  So please think about this and if you feel the need to pay me some sort of royalty for this suggestion then leave me a comment below and I will gladly give you instructions on where to send the funds.  Sweet Dreams….Peter

Stupid Ass Award May 2009; Guaranty Bank of Austin

When does common sense prevail? Not when Guaranty Bank of Austin ponders what to do about some homes in Victorville, CA they can’t sell. They recently decided to demolish brand new homes instead of finding a common sense way to dispose of these holdings. The logic was it would have cost them approximately $1,000,000 to complete the project versus $100,000 to tear down those homes which were recently completed. Okay….did they offer them to anyone for $1.00, or $10,000, or the cost of finishing those which were partially completed? It doesn’t appear that way. From what I can tell 4 of the 16 homes in this subdivision were completed. One reader commentary suggested that basic infrastructure like sewer; water and electric weren’t brought into the site yet. I don’t buy it. These are usually the first things to be brought into a site before the building begins. You mean to tell me the model home didn’t have electricity?

Guaranty Bank of Austin had the chance to do something good. Give a well deserving family in the Victorville area a brand new home at an incredible deal. Instead they did a bottom line analyses with no human heart thought of greater possibilities. For this they earn my first Stupid Ass Award. I know there are many others who were dumbfounded by Guaranty’s action in Victorville so let me make a suggestion on how to send a message to the bank they might understand. If you are currently a bank customer of Guaranty Bank of Austin and equally disgusted by their decision to demolish these homes consider taking your money out of their bank and put it with one that has common sense. Be sure to let them know why you are closing and transferring your account. Perhaps if they realize customers are willing to withdraw millions of dollars in deposits because of their bonehead decision they’ll realize it did cost them more than just $100,000. This is probably a moot suggestion however because The Office of Thrift Supervision (OTS) recently ordered Guaranty Bank to meet a core capital ratio of at least 8 percent and a risk-based capital ratio of at least 11 percent and Guaranty said in a regulatory filing that "management believes, based upon presently available unaudited financial information, that the bank does not meet the required capital ratios set forth above." So… if the bank does not meet the required capital levels by May 21, Guaranty said, it would adopt plans to merge with or be acquired by another financial institution, or face liquidation. Rocks of Ruck.

If you haven’t seen the video on this act of stupidity then click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ilayp2ykts

I'M NOT GAY I JUST REALLY LOVE RAINBOWS

For years I have railed about the gay and lesbian community stealing the rainbow as “their” symbol. Who told them it was ok? They didn’t ask me or the State of Hawaii. I didn’t see a House Bill (H.R. Bill 6969) passed on this measure? As far as I can tell they just did a shout out on the gay grapevine and said “Hey, we're going to make the Rainbow our official symbol.” Excuse me Les Gays, I like rainbows too. Did you ever consider my relationship to the rainbow? The first time I took a prism in 7th grade science class and saw the rainbow display itself from a beam of white light I’ll admit I got excited but I didn’t feel the need to ask Randy over to dinner that night. Years went by and I was digging rainbows after a nice rainstorm in the late afternoon and then one day I noticed a rainbow flag. I thought to myself that’s cool. As time went on I began to notice more rainbow flags and even bumper stickers. At some point Light dawned on Marblehead and I came to realize that the rainbow had been absconded by the gay community. Well GLBT you can’t just come in and take the rainbow. That’s like Exxon/Mobil saying they own sunlight and now they’re going to charge us for it. It needs to be voted on. This is America and I want my voice heard. I also know I’m not alone. I just found this Rainbow Air Freshener and it makes a statement; “I’m not gay I just really love rainbows.” Now the only reason that this product even exists is because we all know you stole the rainbow. Don’t you remember your mother told you shouldn’t steal? Sorry GLBT folks but we just can’t continue to let this slip into common practice. Let America vote on it. Add another stripe or anything but please don’t take my rainbow. If you would like to order one of these Air Fresheners go to http://www.stupid.com/fun/IMNG.html As of today they are $4.99 each.

Sunset in South Park

I looked at the date of my last blog entry and realized that I should be adding more "stuff" if I expect anyone to be interested. 19 days seems like a long time however this is relative, isn't it? If you only had 19 days left to live then it would seem like a very short time.

This is one of the prettiest sunsets I've seen lately. It was taken from the deck of my apartment here in the South Park neighborhood of San Diego. It's pretty of course because there are clouds in the sky giving the sunlight something to deflect and refract those beams of light. It's a wonderful and beautiful contrast in what otherwise may have been an clear blue yet boring sunset. I think this is mother nature telling us we need clouds in our life to see the beauty.